You know what I mean - those questions that you "just can’t talk about".

But you have to talk about them in order to get some resolution and help and more importantly reassurance. In some cases, the problems you are hiding might be very significant.

I’ve had two very memorable patients in my career that practiced denial to the point where it had become a way of life - but, unfortunately, in a bad way. Both of these people had growths on their body - where they could see and feel them constantly - and they let them become very big and open. Both were cancerous. I won’t go into the graphic details but for them to have been firmly planted in my memory forever, believe me they were bad. And I don’t want any of you to end up in that boat.

I think the one thing I can tell you from my side of the gurney or desk is that there isn’t much you can tell me or talk about that I haven’t heard before. I’m not sitting there waiting for some "juicy story" to come across so all of us in the office (or in my case, the Emergency Department) can have a good laugh. That is NOT the case at all. What’s the expression - "been there, done that, got the T-shirt" - and in my case you could probably tag on to the end of that "waiting for the DVD".

That knowledge may or may not help you but it ought to help. Knowing that the doctor isn’t going to laugh at you or demean you is very important. You should also know that you’re most likely not the only person in the world with this problem. The internet has helped in that manner but still, most people feel alone in their problem and do not really know that there are others out there with the same misery. That’s one reason (and probably the only one) I can accept the TV ads for Viagra and Cialis and Levitra and whatever. They at least are showing people that it’s ok to talk about it, that others have it and that there is help. It’s a very common problem and now more people are realizing they are NOT freaks because of it. The same applies to most anything you may be having a problem wtih.

It’s very helpful to practice saying what it is that’s bothering you. I recommend that you first write down your symptoms (I recommend this for everything, not just the embarrassing ones) and then practice saying it to someone - a spouse or a close friend. If you have neither, then use the mirror - just talk it out. That is the dry run, so to speak. Once the words are out of your head and spewing forth from your tongue, you will feel a sense of relief that you’ve never known. It’s really amazing how that happens. Even if you’re not saying the words to anyone who can do anything about it. You’ll feel a freedom and have a sense that you can tell it to a "stranger".

If the embarrassing (for me that’s almost as hard as Mississippi - is that right? -smile) problem is the real reason you’re going to the doctor, make it the first thing you talk about. Don’t couch it in a bunch of other things and "hope" the doctor will stumble upon it. This is not an archeological dig even though it appears to be sometimes. Spit it out. Tell your doctor why you’re REALLY there.

I try to preface a discussion of that sort with "I’m really embarrassed to tell you this, doctor. And, I’m not sure I can get it all out. Do you mind if I take some time? Maybe once I get started you can help me?" If you let the doctor know up front that this is an issue for you, the process will be alot easier.

Remember that a few paragraphs above I recommended you write things out. Do it! AND, take that piece of paper with you. Give it to whomever will take it. Make copies. If you know you just can’t get it out of your mouth, hand it to the doctor and say "this is really embarrassing. I wasn’t sure I could tell you about it so I wrote it down" and hand him the paper. You’ll be amazed at how that will open the door.

Not only will you be amazed, but you’ll probably get some help and feel immensely relieved as well. Always know that things are easier to handle when you have an ally - and telling your doctor about your embarrassing problem will then provide you with a very big ally.

Go ahead, practice with someone…..it works…practice even if you don’t currently have a problem.

Terrie